carry your heart out to me
by DeepPoeticGirl
Summary: /SasuSaku/ It had been six weeks since he'd last left Konoha. Sakura, unable to know how to reach him, missed him more terribly than she ever had in the past four years he was gone. He surprised her by reaching out to her first. POST-WAR, PRE-EPILOGUE.
1. part one

**title**: carry your heart out to me

**rating**: K

**disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto.

**A/N:** I always knew I'd end up actually writing something from that headcanon I made like almost a week ago. Also because I had so many goddamn feelings about this fanart I saw. ANYWAY ENJOY THIS NEW MINI-SERIES OF SORTS. I'M ON FIRE MAN. I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS FUCKING SHIP MORE THAN EVER.

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><p>It had been six weeks since Sasuke had left the village, and Sakura missed him more terribly than she had in the past four years he was gone.<p>

While the years had been awfully painful to bear through, with frustrating setbacks, cripplingly anguishing betrayals, and heartbreaks so intense she could barely manage to pick up the pieces before the next one came along—she knew why this parting was different. She knew why it hurt so much more. Why her heart ached for him in ways it had never before; why she longed for him so terribly her heart wrenched itself apart.

She'd watched her most loved one spiral down a path she once thought he'd followed too far, but it never hurt like this. This kind of pain… it was different. Because this time, she knew he would come back. He'd promised her himself, in his own little way. Promised her _so much more_ upon his return—and it hurt to wait. It hurt to be in the dark about everything, to never know when he was due to return, to wonder how he was doing and what kind of people he had met.

Sasuke had torn down his walls and had set out on a new path with the objective of making amends. Of bringing peace, of healing instead of burning. Of righting the wrongs he'd made.

"No longer focused on revenge… and you want to see everything you've missed," she murmured to herself, tucking her chin on her knees. She ignored the goosebumps on her skin as the midnight breeze caressed her balled up form on the windowsill.

Slowly, she lifted her head back against the frame, looked at crescent moon and whispered, "I wonder, Sasuke-kun… now that your eyes are open, are you open to love, too?"

The thought of Sasuke meeting a pretty, black haired, gentle beauty along his travels, no longer set back by the all-consuming goal of revenge, able to appreciate a kind heart when he would see one—it sent her heart careening in anxious rhythms.

"Get a grip," she told herself, shaking her head. The thoughts of their time spent together after his return from the war, constantly in each other's presence, hovering around one another for reasons they didn't quite bother to understand; melting in a habit of comfortable quiet and whispered sighs, of accidental brushes and secret smiles.

"Sasuke's not so easily swayed," she went on, nodding. "He wouldn't even consider being with someone he barely knew. Especially on his healing path."

But there was a doubt in the back of her mind, one that tormented her, reminded her that Sasuke was a boy who, all his life since the massacre, had been starved of love. A boy who'd greedily drunken the love she offered, who was desperate for the touch of someone who loved him for all he was worth, who'd been grateful for the way she gave everything to him—and who'd always pushed it back because he wasn't quite ready to accept.

Because he didn't yet feel like he deserved it.

And this is what scared her. If he was out on his self-set path of redemption, who was to say he wouldn't cave into his need for love? Who was to say he would still push back every girl that approached him? Who was to say he wouldn't consider any of them?

With a worried mind and hammering, aching heart, Sakura slipped off the windowsill and into her bed, wishing for sleep to overtake her soon.

.

.

.

_"You're not really listening, are you, Sasuke-kun?" she teased, glancing over her shoulder to find Sasuke reading over the titles of the books in her small home-library, fingers brushing the mix of silver, golden cursive letters on the spine of them. _

_He paused at her words, tilting his head to the side to look at her. She smiled at him, and he blinked, finally moving back towards her again._

_"I am," he said, coming up to her back and crouching down to her level. He was silent for a few moments, before he reached forward and pointed out exactly where she'd left off in her explanation. "There. Molecular regeneration process of the cells."_

_She couldn't help but to blush, pleasantly stunned that he'd been carefully listening to her rant enough to pinpoint exactly where she'd stopped._

_Sakura grinned, a bit meekly, the pretty flush still to her cheeks. "I'm not boring you, am I?"_

_"Hn. If you were boring me," Sasuke said, plopping himself on the ground beside her, with his head cocking to the side and a slight, teasing, smirk on his lips, "I would have left a long time ago. So get on with it."_

_She giggled a bit, tucking a fallen strand of pink hair out of her vision. He was so close she could feel the heat of him. Blushing, still, she readjusted the book in her lap and tried not to hold her breath so obviously when she felt him shift ever so slightly, body almost curling around her side—but not quite._

_She didn't have the courage to look at him, but she could feel the soft intensity of his gaze on her face; warm like a summer breeze, gentle as the first lights of a sunrise. _

.

.

.

She woke up the next morning to the sound of rustling feathers and faint scratching on wood. Groaning softly in her pillow, Sakura gripped the thin sheets of her bed and pulled them just a little closer, muddled-minded as she considered shooing the bird away for whatever mission it had for her.

These days, her dreams were the only comfort she could find in regards to Sasuke's absence, comforted by the memories of the few months they'd spent together, and by the fantasies of a world where he'd returned and promised never to depart again.

Flapping of wings snapped her out of the comfort of her bed, and Sakura muffled a sigh. She tossed the sheets from herself, running a hand through messy pink locks before running them over her tired eyes, feet searching blindly for the slippers she kept near the nightstand.

She stopped herself short, however, when she noticed the messenger bird wasn't actually a messenger bird. And it wasn't any regular old hawk either, no, this was a—

"Summon hawk?" she mumbled to herself, surprised and confused. "Who would send me a message with a—"

And that's when she remembered.

_("You can summon hawks, too?"_

_"Hmm."_

_"Is that why you named your team Taka?"_

_"…I guess it was partly inspired by that."_

_"That's kind of dorky, Sasuke-kun.")_

His name left her lips without preamble.

"_Sasuke-kun_."

.

.

.

_Sakura,_

_It's been nearly 6 weeks, and I'm in Ishi already. I think, perhaps, that I'm moving on too fast because the people haven't been so easily accepting in Ame and Kusa. But my sins were not so easily overlooked in Konoha without a little—no, a lot of persuasion and advocacy. I suppose it's only to be expected that the villagers elsewhere would not be so forgiving._

_I'm beginning to see that my sins have reached and influenced a far greater number of people than I've first anticipated. If hidden villages are so weary of my words and distrustful of my person and true desire to make amends, what will leading countries think of me? Will I ever be able to make them believe in my true regrets?_

_My path to redemption will not be easy, or short-liven. But I can't say I wish I could turn back. I know now, that this is the right thing to do, and the only way for me to redeem myself in the eyes of the others.. and my own._

_Sometimes I wish more people were as forgiving as you, and Naruto. But, I guess, that's what makes you both so different from everyone else. It's what makes you both… special, right?_

_I'll come see you both when I can._

_In the meantime, you can use this hawk to reach me whenever you feel the need. He is yours to use as many times as you please—every day, should it suit you. _

_It's quiet here in Ishi, anyway. The people are no less friendly than they are hostile. They're just distant._

_I think I could use a little piece of home._

_I'll see you soon._

_Sasuke_

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><p><strong>AN**: _to be continued :)_

_IM A TEASE, I KNOW. _


	2. part two

**Important A/N regarding last chapter:**_ A lot of people brought this up, and I needed to address it: Sasuke was intentionally this open and talkative throughout. Yeah, it seems OOC because of the way he's been the majority of the manga, but PLEASE take in mind how he was in the end of 699. He was INCREDIBLY talkative, and very, very open/honest about his thoughts and his mindset. He was also incredibly AFFECTIONATE towards Sakura (the poke on the forehead is legitimately the most affectionate gesture we've ever seen him do in the ENTIRE manga… and he did it to Sakura). _

_He is trying incredibly hard to not be closed off—hell, he is reflecting the persona that he's always had since he was a kid. Warm, gentle, open and honest. This is why he was not OOC. He's not putting up that cold front anymore to the people he loves. To the public, yes no doubt (we saw his stony face while he was wherever he was in 700). But to his family/the people he cares most about/loves? No. Sasuke is open to them. _

_I hope this clears off any suspicion of OOC-ness! Please keep that in mind for the future mini-chapters! There will be quite a few letters where he's going to seem OOC. You just have to keep in mind this is a private conversation, and they're not face to face. And he's trying to reassure her he'll be back and he's just—he's trying. Really hard. _

_Capiche? We all set? Good. Onwards!_

**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Naruto._

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><p>It was five days after he'd sent his letter before Sasuke got his first.<p>

He was in Ishi, still, fiddling with the annoying strap of his bag that couldn't seem to get clipped. Huffing a frustrated breath, he bit at the material and tugged, holding it in place while he still struggled to properly fasten the thing into place. It was in moments like these when Sasuke grew ever annoyed at the lack of the other half of his arm.

He ran a hand through his mussed hair when he finally managed to do it, all but a minute later. His lips mulled together in half-hearted irritation, but he ignored as he reached for the bowl of okayu and egg he'd made for himself not long ago. Making his way to the bed, he ate what remained of his breakfast before reaching for his sword and strapping it on his back. He put the empty bowl on the cheap, crappy furniture on his beside before he stood, adjusting his pack and looking at his traveling bag at the corner. He frowned at the emptiness of it; he was running low on provisions.

Frowning more deeply, he shook his head and made way for the door of his room, noting to himself that he'd have to make a supply run sometime today, too.

Sasuke paused, however, at the sound of fluttering wings.

Turning his head, he looked at his window across the room and felt his heart skip a little at the sight of the messenger hawk he'd lent Sakura. His hand left the doorknob without hesitation, feet already walking in the direction of his summoned predatory bird, fingers gently brushing the nape of the animal in thanks before he reached for the letter. He gave no mind to the way the animal transitioned to his shoulder, ruffling its feathers excitedly.

_Sasuke-kun,_

_I'm so happy to hear from you. I really am. Maybe you'll think it's silly, but I was starting to worry you'd turn back on your promise and find your home somewhere else… find happiness in someone else. It's so stupid, I know, but now that you've opened yourself to everything, I can't help but wonder what you encounter on your travels. It worried me so much, Sasuke-kun. I couldn't sleep, some nights. I wanted you back home._

His eyes ran along the letter carefully, body slowly moving to sit on the ledge of the window, pounding heart beating in his ears deafeningly clearly.

_But then I got your letter, and I felt so relieved-I thought I would cry. Is that selfish of me? To be so happy to hear from you, even when you sound so stressed? Even when you search for comfort? You called Konoha home—you called us home, and I… I was so happy. Maybe… because for so long you denied it._

_Home. You said home. Yes, Sasuke-kun… We are your home. _

The tension of his shoulder eased as his gaze moved along the length, body softening at the gentleness and love burning through the words.

_I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I know I don't understand you half as much as Naruto does, but I can tell you're trying really hard. And I can tell this is frustrating to you. You really are determined to show them the real you, and I admire that so much in you. I know that you can do it, Sasuke-kun._

_Still, I wish I could help you. Be there to support your words, and the honesty you convey. I wish I could take all the pain and anger thrown at you, so you wouldn't have to suffer more than you already have. But you know all this, I'm sure. And if you still think this is something you must do alone, I will support you through and through. I understand you feel you have to right your wrongs by your own self, and that bringing Naruto and I along would only send more hate your way._

_But I have faith in you, Sasuke-kun. I hope you know this._

_And I hope you know you can always come back to us, when it goes wrong. That we'll be there to catch you, like we always do. _

_I miss you so much, Sasuke-kun. So much my heart hurts. So much I can't breathe, sometimes._

_Please, come see us soon._

_With love,_

_Sakura_

His jaw slackened at the last lines, mouth tugging at a corner almost sentimentally. Then, Sasuke closed his eyes and exhaled a sigh, content and finally relaxed, slipping the folded paper in the pocket closest to his heart. The ghost of a smile graced his lips for the barest second before he finally helped down the hawk and slid out of the room as soundlessly as always.

He would reply later tonight, when the day was done.

But for now, he had a village he had to amend his sins with.

_(Another day, another try.)_

.

.

.

"_Which one's that one?"_

"_Huh?" She looked over at the vial he was pointing at, pausing in the crushing of healing herbs with the mortar she held in her hands. "Oh, that one." She resumed her work, and smiled at him. "That's the one Tsunade always recommends the kunoichis beginning in seduction missions to use. Makes the victim unable to use their chakra properly, so if they're known for having particularly dangerous ninjustu, it leaves those young new recruits with an advantage. It's odourless and colourless."_

_Sasuke blinked, turning the vile in his hands, before he looked at her again. "Did you use it?"_

_He looked serious and subtly concerned. She wasn't quite sure why, but it made her want to giggle._

_Nudging him with her shoulder, Sakura feigned hurt. _

"_Sasuke-kun, you wound me," she said. "I was so much more badass." After a moment, she grinned and made a funny face. "I used a much more deadly poison in my first kill and he was dead within the minute. Wasn't even in the same room as him—I shot a tiny needle with a blowgun while he was having dinner with his most important advisors."_

_His lips parted, as if surprised. Then, his eyes softened and the corner of his mouth twitched. She blushed a little at this, grin still wide on her lips. _

"_Hn." He wasn't smiling with his mouth, but she could see it in his eyes. Pride. "You always were an overachiever."_

_The flush on her cheeks deepened pleasantly, happy with his reaction. "Wanna see what poison I used? I can show you! Maybe you could use it on the field as a last resort!"_

_Sasuke looked at her for a moment, with eyes so fond she felt almost squeamish. Then, he finally smiled, small and tiny and all completely for her._

"…_Sure."_

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.

.

"Get out of here and don't come back you rotten _filth_. No one cares about your lies or your _stupid_ self-imposed path of redemption! No one _believes_ you! The next time you come to my office asking for pardon and ways to help_, I will personally throw you out of this god damn building and banish you from this village_! And you know _damn well_ why I'd rather not—so don't you _**dare**_ force me to get this village in conflict with Konoha, boy."

He stumbled out of the office doors when the two shadowing guards pushed him out, with enough force to send him tripping into the wall, elbow knocking hard against the hardwood. Sasuke groaned, bending the aching joint into his body and gritting his teeth. Fury raged within him as he looked up at the closed doors, a litany of muttered nonsense slipping from him as he thought about the stubbornness and fixed mindset of the village leader.

From the moment he'd come to his village and tried to talk to him, he didn't want to hear a word out of his mouth. Sasuke hadn't even been allowed to step past the entrance stairwell, already vehemently denied access. It had taken another few days and another few visits to finally convince the gruff forty-something year old man to agree to see him. It had taken _another_ day for him to try and hear him out. But Sasuke was no fool, he knew his chances were slim. Without some kind of grand gesture of kindness, the brusque ninja would likely not give him the favor of consideration.

Still, he had to try, anyway.

Stepping out of the building, Sasuke headed down the market to calm down and ponder his next actions. Despite being the most populated area of the village, he had not yet since been rigorously harassed or yelled at with profanities in that crowded place. Everyone looked at him wearily, or with deep, rooted disgust, but no one dared to get in his face with their hatred. Sasuke wasn't so sure he preferred this quiet rage, but at least they gave him space to think and he could easily block them all out when he put himself to it. He'd done it most of his life, after all.

_(still, he hated to do that. he hated to put up his walls like they once were, to appear as the heartless, selfish man he always seemed like to everyone else. he couldn't keep putting up a front if he wanted people to forgive him and see the true, repenting man that he was)_

He intended to head straight to that tiny little quiet restaurant no one ever went to, with half-shitty food and a slightly overpriced menu, knowing he'd get his peace there. He needed to figure out what his next move would be.

However, he couldn't help himself from pausing in his step as he noticed something on the stand to his left side. Tilting his head to the side a bit, he stared at what had piqued his interest and wondered if he'd seen it before. He was rather sure he hadn't, and this seemed to bother him somehow. Better yet, he was pretty sure Sakura herself hadn't seen it, before.

Had she? He was sure she hadn't talked to him about it, but did that mean she wasn't aware it existed? And if it did turn out that she didn't know, should he buy it for her?

He stared for a moment more, and then shook his head and took a step away from the market booth. But then he paused again, hesitating.

Sakura, he knew, would dedicate much of her time finding out about it, he was sure. Maybe it would help her figure out new poisons… or antidotes. Maybe it would be crucial in for the medicinal world, and could help save a large number of people. Maybe it would be the key to a medical revolution.

Swallowing, Sasuke finally turned again and approached the old crone at the stand, trying to look as neutral as he could, instead of the usual apathy and coldness.

"How much for the herb?" he asked, tone smooth, respectful and… almost hesitant. He hoped the old woman would be reasonable and considerate, despite the cross glare sent his way as he'd first approached.

"I don't sell to traitors," she snapped, pushing the herb away from the stand. "Leave."

Grinding his teeth a little, Sasuke mulled his lips, before he tried again.

"Look, I can tell you don't get many customers and I'm ready to pay double, even triple the price—"

The look on her face went more severe, and his mouth slipped shut, instinctively knowing it was the wrong thing to say.

"I don't need your tainted money you _scum_," she yelled. "Take your lying, sorry ass out of my sight!"

Clenching his fist, Sasuke regarded her steadily for a moment, aware of how the ruckus had shifted all the attention on them. He glanced to the sides a bit, noting the tense civilians and ninjas and disapproving looks. Some of them looked ready to pounce on him if he made the wrong move.

He was still a monster, in their eyes.

Closing his eyes tightly for a split second, Sasuke whipped around and silently weaved through the frozen crowd, trying not to feel all the rage and disgust thrown his way, but feeling the weariness and shame boiling in his stomach. He almost felt sick from it all.

.

.

.

Throwing another crumpled paper in the garbage, he heaved another heavy, frustrated breath. Strong fingers ran over his tired, worn down eyes, brushing away the weariness and fatigue. He tried not to think about the words he'd forced himself to throw away.

_(Sakura,_

_I'm so tired._

_I miss you._

_._

_Sakura,_

_I think of your eyes every day._

_This town could use a little of your sun-bright smile._

_._

_Sakura,_

_I'm not sure I'm meant to heal the things I've bruised.)_

His hand tightened around the pen, and he sighed again. The hawk on his shoulder leaned and buried his feathery head under his cloak, pecking for something. When Sasuke gently shooed him back, he startled at the sight of the letter he'd forgotten about through all the misery. He took the paper from the animal's beak, almost unaware of how it flew across the room to perch on the other chair to clean itself.

His eyes ran over her tender, supporting words, once more, and he felt the weight on his shoulders drop, then.

(_**But I have faith in you, Sasuke-kun. I hope you know this.)**_

What this girl could do to him, with such simple words.

.

.

_Sakura,_

_This town's hostile self finally surged, today. I can't quite manage to get their village leader to listen to a word I say, and a struggling lady at the market refused to sell me anything even with triple the price. The people are becoming more vocal and blatant with every day I spend here._

_Without your letter, I would have moved on to the next town, by now. _

_But your words encourage me to try harder. To find a way. To barrel through the obstacles and to change my strategies. I will no longer seek for people to listen to me speak. I will no longer attempt any sort of bribery._

_I will show them that I mean good. I will make a difference in their town. I won't let your faith in me be wasted._

_And…_

_Most of all, Sakura… I will come home. If I had known you were so worried, I would have reached out to you earlier. I'm sorry. Even when I try to redeem myself, I still hurt you._

_I'll make it up to you, some day. But right now, I just need more time._

_I'll come see you and the dobe soon._

_Sasuke_

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><p><strong>AN:**_ There was supposed to be a little more to this chapter, but I thought it would kinda shift the mood. So I reserved that all for next chapter. ^^ You'll see the transition from Sasuke's POV and Sakura's POV a lot. Each chapter should have one dominant. I don't think they're gonna be long updates either, they're all roughly gonna be this size I think. :)_

_Anyway, I hope I didn't disappoint any of you with how each chapter is growing a long! I have so much planned for this little series, I can't._

**DeepPoeticGirl**


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